Money money money!

Aren't these supposed to be the best years of my life? I'm 19 years old and all I can think about is how little money I have, how fat I've got, how I can't do those essays, how I want this and that and that somewhere along the way I forgot that shouldn't I be enjoying my youth?

Thus, I have come to a decision. Possibly a very silly, a very immature and naiive decision but none the less I think it is what I will do. I am going to see if I can extend my other overdraft. That way I have a little more money to play with and then next summer I intend to work off both overdrafts even if it kills me.

I am also considering bugging some pubs near my house to employ me for a week or two whilst I'm back at home, in pure and simple desperation. Next semester shouldn't be so bad as I won't have my car to run...but the next 8 weeks are going to be very tough. Especially as I have to get my car MOT'ed and I doubt it will pass.

What would be amazing though, is if my father decided to be a decent person and throw some money my way. I think he is deluded. I haven't spoken to him since September when he told me I was obsessed with money, I replied "of course I fucking am because I have none and I need some!" But I won't start on bitching about him. I need to give up on him and cut him out of my life which would be much easier if my boyfriend didn't repeatedly ask me if I have spoken to him again. Sorry Dave but not everyone has a Daddy who can dish out £500 at a time every few weeks. It's funny really, Dave thought his Dad was a bit of a cock, then he met me and heard stories about mine...oh and then he met mine. Ha. Daddy Clayton wins hands down.

I'm in a fragile state at present...I can feel the tears pricking, I'm typing angrily and yet smiling. I need a break. A goddamn break from everyone bugging me for attention and from my own thoughts.

Oh god, once again I'm moaning. I'm so sick of myself.

This is Elcie, signing off.