I can fool you all.

I can fool even myself. I know that I have slowly been heading further and further down the spiral of self pity, possibly my lowest point was having my housemate pick me up off the kitchen floor and take the glass and knife from my hands. Having said that I can fool myself into believing I am ok about last summer. I am waiting for the day that I stop talking about it so much. I hadn't thought about it properly in a while, then just out of the blue, I did and I panicked, I cried; but mostly I hurt. Recently, I have realised I need to see someone about it...you'd think that I'd be over it but I'm not. I have these dreams and visions about my car being crashed into or crashing my car. I try to hide from my family but when I go home it is so obviously unavoidable everything just falls apart.

Have you ever rolled out pastry? Ever rolled it out too much so that it goes paper thin and see-through and then you end up ripping a hole in it as it sticks to the rolling pin? That's how I feel. Stretched too thin. Clinging on to the walls of my mind so hard that sometimes I can look down at my hands and see the dried blood under my nails.